It's Monday, I am not ready yet to story about my trip to Desaru but first I would like to share with you all the song that I've been listened throughout the holiday. Yes, last weekend was witnessed the full moon. I couldnt take my eyes off to the full moon when the night came. This song kept playing in my MP3. I felt like missing so many things. In other words, this song "pujuk" my soul perfectly. How I wish , this song is dedicated to me. Enjoy guys! I have to get back to my work! ;)

Something that I can remember about my beautiful past. This is a great song. I would tell you this song is the theme of my Desaru's holiday! Hahahaha. Enjoy!






You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
Ive lick my wounds but I cant ever see them getting better
Somethings gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Somethings gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

Im sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Somethings gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I cant place her

I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Somethings gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

Im sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I wont be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

Im so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh
Yeah

We happened to our past is part of our future. We can’t ever forget what the lesson has brought us today. The true is about to reveal. Based on true story,The Pacific is created to show to the audience about the sacrifices that have been made by those warriors in World War Two.

World War Two has long gone in today’s history. I’ve been watching the brand new HBO’s Miniseries “The Pacific”. There is nothing but a serious war between U.S’s Marine and Japanese’s Soldiers. I am not the huge fan of the Band of Brothers but this time I would agreed that THE PACIFIC is part of my favourite show. Behind the scene, Band of Brothers producers Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg re-team to produce this ten-hour World War II miniseries based on the books With the Old Breed by Eugene Sledge and Helmet for My Pillow by Robert Leckie. Additional interviews conducted by the filmmakers in collaboration with Hugh Ambrose (son of late Band of Brothers author Stephen E. Ambrose) detail the arduous odysseys of U.S. Marines Sledge, Leckie, and John Basilone from their first skirmishes in Guadalcanal to their eventual return to American soil following V-J Day. Of all the episode, my most favourite is part 8. Something about this episode that teaches me about destiny.

Part 8 – IWO JIMA



USA, John Basilone requests re-assignment from his bond promotion duties and is transferred to Camp Pendleton as an instructor. There he meets Sgt. Lena Riggi, who is in charge of the mess hall. She's no pushover and it takes several attempts before she will even go out with him. Basilone's enlistment is up in a few months and he must decide if he is going to return to civilian life or sign up for another tour and accompany his men to Iwo Jima, their next assignment. He and Lena decide they are going to make the most of the time they have together.



Increasingly frustrated by his role campaigning for war bonds, Basilone convinces the Marines to allow him to train troops headed for combat. Transferred to Camp Pendleton, he enjoys a whirlwind romance with an initially reluctant female Marine, Lena Riggi. But the couple know they are living on borrowed time, as Basilone is soon to take part in the Marine landing on Iwo Jima. He got married to Lena Riggi and the luck was temporary. Sgt. Basilone is dead during PUVUVU’s war.

Before I start to write more , let me presenting you my mother's favourite song - Love song by Andy Williams.



Everyone in this world is born after 9 months in the very protective tummy. Within those magical months, we will eat what she’s been eating and sometimes we will play the kicking games. Yes, she is the first human that connected to us. Without her,there is no way we can survive till the day we were born. I am sure everyone has their own favourite music but it can never be compared to the sound of her heart beat. ‘SHE’ is the queen of ours heart. ‘SHE’ is ours pillow, spoon , home, and teddy bear. And ‘SHE’ is someone that also known as ibu, ummi, mama ,mom, mother, mum and mummy. I seldom talk about my mom and always put her as the second best after my Ayah. But tonight is about her " MAK ".

She left me when I was 16 due to liver cancer. I was not mature enough to understand the lost. The day my mom passed away, I couldn’t shed a tear but my elder sister did. It was 3 days before the 2008’s Aidilfitri. I saw all my relatives from Singapore were in the sad mood. Of all the tears I’ve heard on that day, my Ayah had brought me to the hell of sorrow. He cried out loud when he spoke to his mom on the phone. In my entire life, that was the first time I ever saw my dad crying. I was totally in shock and just that moment. I knew, my dad would never be the same again. He just lost his other half and beloved wife.

I’m at Hyatt, Singapore now and tomorrow is my last day here. Singapore is Mak’s hometown and the place where she first met my Ayah. I don’t know, too many bad things happened to me recently but tonight It really get my nerve. How I wish, Mak is knocking that door and giving me endless hugs because I am so lonely now. I wanted to go Bedok and visit my relatives but I don’t think I have a chance to do it because I have to get up early morning tomorrow to catch the first flight with my boss. I think I will come here again next month. I am very tired but little sad because deep inside I am missing MAK. The smell of Singapore is reminding me of her so much.

No one knows where I got the singing talent, height, friendliness and confidence. I’ve inherited all these from her. I love the way she behaves. She never had been awkward to interact with the crowd. She was damn brave to speak up her mind. On the fashion sense, when she was young she loved heels, wigs, and fancy clothes just like me. Yes, she was very sexy before but by 40s she stopped fancying herself. Afterall, I love the way she carried herself. She was always being the centre of attention and never let people bored. She would entertain everyone who comes to our house with her never ending stories. Yes, it cannot be denied anymore that my characters are so much like her but my physically is apparently like my Ayah.


Through that window, I see the moon is so alone. It portraying how alone I am right now. The only people I call from here are Kat and Nita. These two ladies were shoulders for me to cry on when I as having a bad time those days. I was wondering, Mak was a lucky woman. She met her soulmate at early 20's. While me now, still haven’t found the one at 28. Everyone wants to have a family and appreciate life at the same time. But again, only the luckiest woman will have that in her very young age. I wish, Mak is around to advise me about man because I don’t know how to deal with this species anymore. It’s very hard to find someone who can be with you at all time. My Ayah was a perfect man. He was always at Mak’s side. He was always stronger than Mak. He knew how to handle Mak’s hot temper.The best part when Mak was restless and stressful, my ayah will always be the first person to comfort her. In return, Mak gave us life and loved us unconditionally. I guess, that is love. Two people are completing each other.

I think, I still haven’t found what I’ve been looking for but missing my parents.

In my entire life, I’ve done a lot of things. Some succeed, some failed. Most of it is very similar to half boiled eggs. But frankly speaking, I’ve never regretted of any down turns. Though, my heart was broken into pieces for many reasons but it didn’t kill me. Some says, success is about how highest you will reach from the bottom. To me, the most important things are the learning process and expanding life experience. I am a daughter to the sea warrior. Surviving from the critical situation is the major fight for us. Correct, I used to be a champion to things I deserved to win but I was just a normal kid. Without the best attention from parents, I wouldn’t know how to struggle very well. A ‘spoiled brad’ maybe happened once in mylife but it didn’t prolong after the death of my parents. I have to push myself very hard suit in any kind of conditions. If I wasn’t being like that, I might be left alone from my friends or even my family. That is how I’ve been trained to gain a love and learned about flexibility.

No love as best as given by my dad. He was the simplest love I ever known. I didn’t care if he was stinking and I didn’t care if he was not handsome. I didn’t care if he kept wearing “kain pelekat’ for the whole day. I can still remember vividly the taste of his fried rice and fried chicken. The taste of his cooking was different than any other places and his fried chicken was exactly like KFC. I know, he was trying very hard to be a perfect dad and mother simultaneously. No one could ever understand about my condition whenever I was sick like he did. He knew how to take care of my sickness seriously. I think, he managed to handle my years as a stubborn teenager wisely. To me, he is the true warrior. I am inspired by him. I know only I can repay him with prayers because the world is not enough.




He has shown me that no matter how suffer memory you have in the past, you must move on. No matter how strong the wind and storm have pushed you away, you are still ought to run even with barely feet and scratched body. It reminds me of Bonjovi’s song “This romeo is bleeding but you can’t see his blood”. I knew, he had changed a lot after my mom passed away. He wasn’t dressing up well to function or even worse he was not interested to attend any functions. He was reluctant to mingle with people. He pushed away everything that he used to be. He was never being the same .I know, he was crying inside. I know he missed my mother’s cook as much as my siblings did. No one knows, if he ever cries on his lonely nights. No one does including myself. I know, my mother is everything to him. I was one of the witnesses of how love could kill and cure a man. I’ve never seen he shows any regrets but I did know he gave up life due to loneliness. The loneliness was killing him softly even we are all know that Allah is great.

I don’t want to repeat this tragedy of loneliness. For that, I don’t want to feel it at my young age. I deserve to fill up my life with love and happiness. I am not interested to keep thinking about my biggest fails and bad memories. The more it keeps lingering in mylife, the more chances I can suffer caused by cancer. Invisible pain is not showing externally but it triggers more to long illness that can put you to sleep forever.
My dad was right “Carilah sebuah kehidupan yang penuh erti” .

He wanted me to find the meaningful life so that no regrets will eat me up. The meaningful life will give a great happiness to my life in day time and satisfaction in the night time. It doesn’t have to be a mountain of money but it is enough with endless love. Cherish the life with happiness while you and your partner are still alive. Don’t let your life being alone for so long because it makes you become empty by inside and outside. Do something that makes you proud. I used to dream to help the society but I guess it wasn’t for me. I am only good with my own way to success.

It's ok to be failed on something at very young age. So that we can start the life all over again with a long duration to improve. Don't let the people be the reason for youto not be happy. They saw you being fail and messy at all time and this is not the force to make you keep failing. They maybe out from your life but it seems you and your flaws are remain. So what do you have to do next? Start your life again!

My answer: You must find the way to move on. You must go on even the whole world is leaving you. Go ahead and stay ahead. You can find the new happiness in the different way after that.




Death is vital, give up is an option but regrets can be avoided.....at least.

I miss you, Farahi.

I had 19 hours of sleeping and when I woke up, I knew that I was missing her so bad. I know the remark that I have left last year to her and ‘all of them’ will never be erased especially to Evy and Pae too. If I could turn back time, how I wish to go back to the years where nothing else matter to us but FUN.
She has been a good friend to me since I was 16 years old. She was the first who came to Hospital Kuala Lumpur to calm me down after my ayah died. She was there all the time for me, she never left me.

( I miss you Evy)




She was there for me since my secondary years, my scooter’s years, my gym’s years, my first car’s accident, my first interview as a PR, my esen’s years and she has shown me the meaning of a true friendship. To the extent, whenever I had extra money or time I would rather spend it out with her. She was everything to me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Her existence was more important than to have a boyfriend. She was the one who introduced me on how to have a fun life. She very understood towards my siblings’ character. She knew I will never be looking at them whenever I had trouble. No friends would sacrifice much to me as she did. She was always aware of my daily eating time. She will never leave me hunger; whenever I was sick, she will always be there to bring me to the clinic. This is because she always knew that I had nobody in this life to really care about me. This same goes to Evy and Pae.

( I miss you Abby)




In my entire life, the names that always crossed in my mind whether in good or bad times are Farahi and Abby. They knew my habits and characters well. Later then, Farahi had introduced me another comfort zone for me and she was Evy and Pae. Without Farahi, how was I supposed to know them? She was the comfort zone creator for me. I wonder, what is she doing now? How is her second baby in her tummy? I still remember vividly that I always had an early dinner with her and AU2, Keramat. I was very caring about her eating habit during her first pregnancy. I always talked to her unborn baby ‘ ADAM’ those days. How badly I wanted to see him. I really want to hear he mentions my name “ Untie Yus”. I think, I will not have a chance to hear that and same goes to Abby's Junior ( Aryan) Evy’s junior ( Qaseh) and Pae’s son (Ali). Those lovely kids, I know they will never know my name. I just gone with the wind.

( I miss you , pae)

I guess, that’s who I am The Wind That Passes By. I know, I deserve it after all I have done. Tapi aku sangat rindu korang sume.  Macam mana nak hilangkan sume ni.



Tolonglah Kembali :(

If you ever read this someday soon. Please listen to this song, a song that I love to sing everytime with you guys. " Strangers In the night"

This is a story of discovering one delicious cupcake which I have found it not very long ago. I can’t tell more about this but to bake it is something I want to do very soon. I have to ask around about the right recipe of it because the ingredients are not so difficult to get.

Candyman is coming back to Kuala Lumpur soon. He sounded not so sad after leaving Setiu. I hope everything is fine because I have lot of plans in my mind. Yesterday, I had a ‘ yummy’ conversation with Noor. She is my housemate in my flying academy. She was telling me about the baking things. I told her, my mother was the great baker. Unfortunately, only my sister ( Eta) has managed to get the baking skill from my mother. Me, I am very keen to cook local dishes more and my favourites are masak lemak cili api and asam pedas.. I think I am more flexible now; I would like to expand my skill in cooking.

Last month me and candyman went up to Genting Highland and there was a bakery shop facing the fountain just in front of the Hotel Genting. I ate a strawberry cheese cupcake. I was savouring the taste for each and every layer of it. I was mesmerized with the taste until not aware of what candyman was saying. I was very delighted that night. It was a return trip that I won’t forget. As a result, I must try to bake it on one fine day. I am planning to go to that bakery again early next month. I really want to have a bite of it again then take away some. I’ve never had a chance to snap a picture on that night and now I am browsing via google the exact picture of a Strawberry Cheese Cupcake with Strawberry Cream Cheese. I’ve been searching it since this afternoon but none of it was the real one.



One thing I can share here is the difference angles of it. I don’t have an oven but my sister has. Anyhow, she is staying quite far in Rawang and I don’t think it worthwhile to go just to bake a cake or cupcakes. The best is I will save some my money so by June I can buy an oven, a small one can do. I don’t expect the big because I am still amateur level in baking. So what would be the first one, absolutely my one and only Strawberry Cheese Cupcake with Strawberry Cream Cheese. YUMMY!

Do you want some? Here is the recipe based on Strawberry Cheesecake.

Today is another lazy day for me. Candyman is still at Setiu, Terengganu. He is having his time well by waking up late like 12pm in the AFTERNOON. I know he is very happy to be there with the family around. I am terribly missing Candyman now . Wish i could fly there and give him a hug . What a lame story I write now!

It is 2.05pm and I am still not shower. I wonder what would be the time I will get shower ? 4.05? Or 4.30? I think I will get shower soon after I’m done with this blog writing. Renni called me this morning, she was babbling about my “ Mini Big Day” which will be by this end of year. ‘ Cross Finger’. She was telling me to not overspend and overdo for that day. It will be wasteful if I don’t be careful in planning it. Well, I think she was right. But whatever it is I have to discuss with Candyman about this because it relates to his and mine financial. So far, he is kind of happy with the Engineering Firm that he’s been working for right now. But , do I ever get a chance to have a customade ring for that Mini Big Day if he is still work for this company? . Will I ever get one of it for my Mini Big Day? I asked Renni what is the cost of that customade ring and she said:


Renni: The ring is RM 3700, Yus.
Me: GULP! What? RM3700. Hahahah I don’t think he affords it. I don’t think so.
Renni: Ubai said the ring should be a special one. So that’s why he did it that way.
Me: Herm….hahahahha I don’t think I will go for that.


I have to get my feet close to the ground now. Unless he manages to get a job at any oil field’s firm, then I can propose something luxury. Anyhow, am I worth for a cheap sale ring? I am expecting two rings, perhaps I should think twice in selecting the brand. In that case, one of the rings can be a Habib Jewel. NOT BOTH! Well it is still early of the year; I have 8 months to go. What matter most now is the MONEY. No money, no talk . As usual, I want that day to be remembered. I want it to be happening, simple yet beautiful .


Happening = Good food with joy. People are happy with laughter.
Simple = Not a luxury event.
Beautiful = Smell good with roses everywhere.