In my entire life, I’ve done a lot of things. Some succeed, some failed. Most of it is very similar to half boiled eggs. But frankly speaking, I’ve never regretted of any down turns. Though, my heart was broken into pieces for many reasons but it didn’t kill me. Some says, success is about how highest you will reach from the bottom. To me, the most important things are the learning process and expanding life experience. I am a daughter to the sea warrior. Surviving from the critical situation is the major fight for us. Correct, I used to be a champion to things I deserved to win but I was just a normal kid. Without the best attention from parents, I wouldn’t know how to struggle very well. A ‘spoiled brad’ maybe happened once in mylife but it didn’t prolong after the death of my parents. I have to push myself very hard suit in any kind of conditions. If I wasn’t being like that, I might be left alone from my friends or even my family. That is how I’ve been trained to gain a love and learned about flexibility.

No love as best as given by my dad. He was the simplest love I ever known. I didn’t care if he was stinking and I didn’t care if he was not handsome. I didn’t care if he kept wearing “kain pelekat’ for the whole day. I can still remember vividly the taste of his fried rice and fried chicken. The taste of his cooking was different than any other places and his fried chicken was exactly like KFC. I know, he was trying very hard to be a perfect dad and mother simultaneously. No one could ever understand about my condition whenever I was sick like he did. He knew how to take care of my sickness seriously. I think, he managed to handle my years as a stubborn teenager wisely. To me, he is the true warrior. I am inspired by him. I know only I can repay him with prayers because the world is not enough.




He has shown me that no matter how suffer memory you have in the past, you must move on. No matter how strong the wind and storm have pushed you away, you are still ought to run even with barely feet and scratched body. It reminds me of Bonjovi’s song “This romeo is bleeding but you can’t see his blood”. I knew, he had changed a lot after my mom passed away. He wasn’t dressing up well to function or even worse he was not interested to attend any functions. He was reluctant to mingle with people. He pushed away everything that he used to be. He was never being the same .I know, he was crying inside. I know he missed my mother’s cook as much as my siblings did. No one knows, if he ever cries on his lonely nights. No one does including myself. I know, my mother is everything to him. I was one of the witnesses of how love could kill and cure a man. I’ve never seen he shows any regrets but I did know he gave up life due to loneliness. The loneliness was killing him softly even we are all know that Allah is great.

I don’t want to repeat this tragedy of loneliness. For that, I don’t want to feel it at my young age. I deserve to fill up my life with love and happiness. I am not interested to keep thinking about my biggest fails and bad memories. The more it keeps lingering in mylife, the more chances I can suffer caused by cancer. Invisible pain is not showing externally but it triggers more to long illness that can put you to sleep forever.
My dad was right “Carilah sebuah kehidupan yang penuh erti” .

He wanted me to find the meaningful life so that no regrets will eat me up. The meaningful life will give a great happiness to my life in day time and satisfaction in the night time. It doesn’t have to be a mountain of money but it is enough with endless love. Cherish the life with happiness while you and your partner are still alive. Don’t let your life being alone for so long because it makes you become empty by inside and outside. Do something that makes you proud. I used to dream to help the society but I guess it wasn’t for me. I am only good with my own way to success.

It's ok to be failed on something at very young age. So that we can start the life all over again with a long duration to improve. Don't let the people be the reason for youto not be happy. They saw you being fail and messy at all time and this is not the force to make you keep failing. They maybe out from your life but it seems you and your flaws are remain. So what do you have to do next? Start your life again!

My answer: You must find the way to move on. You must go on even the whole world is leaving you. Go ahead and stay ahead. You can find the new happiness in the different way after that.




Death is vital, give up is an option but regrets can be avoided.....at least.