The year of 2009 is coming to the end and so to my age. I am leaving the 27th years old’s body, mind, spirit and ton of memories need to be burnt and buried. Only Allah knows, how terrible my life along this year but like Maria Robbinson says;

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending”

Insya’allah, I will open the 2010 with happiness and joy. So it will trigger the whole year with laughter and success. I won’t start the year with things that Allah not granted because based on my experience on 2009 ‘the bad starting will destroy the goodness of the entire year’. That’s what I believe today. To be frank, 2009 is the worst year I ever had. Bad luck all the way!

Like Maria Robbinson said above, it’s one of brilliant option for people to start today and stop wasting time by regretting the past. I am certainly will choose TODAY even I know deep inside I am a bit disarray. Yes, I am going to be 28 next month and I believe a huge miracle will happen in order to replace my huge failure when I was 27. I should be lucky Allah has stopped ‘Esen’s Journey’ last July. I am not saying Esen is not worth it to be carried out but too many mistakes, issues and tears which day by day cut my deepest confidence and integrity. I was not strong enough for Esen or even for myself. Anyhow, I hope those good friends that I’ve lost along 2009 will find their way to give me a forgiveness sincerely because I already did. Rest in peace ESEN!




I have many unreachable dreams and now I am adding one more by creating a runway to spread my wings. I really want to fly because I have lot of issues can be settled by achieving it. Furthermore, it really equals to ESEN ‘great talent will come with great responsibility’. The beginning is very tough because it relates to financial but Allah is great. I will find the witty to make it. I WILL MAKE IT! That is my ultimate resolution for 2010. ONLY ONE!




2010 will witness my undying battle and bunch of glory!
Thanks to Allah for giving me bunch of new friends to make my life colourful again. This time I will cherish each and every of them more than I ever did before.





Happy new year to everyone! Hoooray!

Last Friday, I went to a meaningful trip to Johore with my elder brother ( Kamal). It was one day trip and it’s been a long time since he got married. That was the first time I ever got into his green BMW for a long trip. We were heading to a ‘ Kenduri Tahlil for’ my late grandpa. As usual, a typical ‘OLDIES’ people were asking me when I’m going to get married? As always, my answer is simple and sweet:

“Ala, Eija lambat lagi la!”

(But deep in my heart, I was like shouting – ISH! Dorang ni sibuk pasal KAHWIN!!!!)


Along the trip back to KL, I was so surprised with the conversation that I had with Kamal ( 36 years old IT Manager with one daughter and supportive wife ). Instead of we were discussing about my flying things, he did teach me about finding a life partner. I totally did not expect he would approach that topic. All my life, he was the best mentor upon my behaviour, studies and career life but NOT AS A LOVE MENTOR. The hilarious part was he knew I am actively having the time of my life like ‘Clubbing’ Haha! He couldn’t agree if I was hanging out with Ikan Kerapu, Ikan Bilis or, Ikan Siakap. He said in humour that those aren’t ALPHA MALES or even THE JAWS. Funny! Funny! I wasn’t stop laughing along the night.




He is part of my immediate booster to reach out anything good that I’ve plan for my life beside my dad ‘HIS WORDS ARE MAGIC’. He is one of person that I do literally respect when it comes to motivation. In short, I will only listen to people that I’ve seen qualities in them. The qualities which never be used to look down on me but to inspire me more. Some people will be motivated by harsh words but I am not one of them. Trust me, I hardly absorb some people advice because in my heart I don’t salute them much or most slight they are not a MAGIC LEADER in my eyes. Well, Kamal got me there! It was amazing trip!

Speaking of LEADERS, I am not saying they are the leaders of the country or an aggressive politicians but at least a leader to their own progressive life included financial, career, education and fun life. I will not going to listen to a ‘GEEK IN THE PINK’. Since I was little, I was fascinated by a clever, fair skin, sportive boy. Like my brother said, he knew that I am very interested with an outgoing man which also known by him as an ALPHA MALE. So what is the total idea of an alpha male? Who is he? What he does in life? Well, let me telling you more. Let us find out who is the guy that lies beneath APLHA MALE.



To start with, we all agree that the alpha male is a “man’s man”. Always a leader, confident, some might say arrogant. Not interested in the creative arts and doesn’t care if you think he should be. This is the guy you’d want with you if you were lost in the jungle because he would keep you safe and get you out of there. I think it’s important to note that I see two types of alpha males. One is the type who is high on his own testosterone. He gets road rage, abuses women and children, and fights with guys in bars. This is clearly the undesirable alpha.

The other type is an evolved alpha. He is a leader in business, a commander in combat, the strength of his family, and a loving partner. He loves very feminine women, “girly girls” but also wants intelligence and independence in a woman because he wants an equal, not a subordinate. A true alpha is not threatened by strong women. He admires them.I had recent bad romance, It was early this year where he actually not genuine in supporting my business, then he turned into inferior complex creature each and every time I got press coverage then in the end he damaged my blooming success indirectly. I should thank to Allah that moved me away from him even it was tough for me to let go initially. Like my dad always said: Don’t involve with CULPRIT!


So far, there were only two Alpha Male I ever dated which the first love when I was 15 and the second one was 25 years old . They were brilliant, sportive, resourceful, off soil and romantic people. It was my lost but at least I’ve learnt about “Looks may capture the eyes but it's the personality captures the heart”. I know my Mr. Alpha is coming towards me but a bit late because he is walking while I’m flying!

We both are moving towards the meeting point now. I strongly believe it.

The Comet is colliding Lucas Scott and Peyton Sawyer. If you are the big fan of One Tree Hill (OTH), you would know what I’m saying. I started watching OTH since early 2008; I think I am a bit left out compare to my other friends. I would like to thanks to Hidayah and Evylizia because they were pretty women whom insisting me to watch it too. To be frank, It reminds me of them when I’m thinking of Brook (Sophia Bash).




( Above is My most favourite scene EVER!)

I am listening to The Cure’s album while writing this blog. In OTH, it portrayed Peyton Sawyer is a rock chick ( The cure’s fan just like me! Ahaks). There was a time where Peyton Sawyer supposed to go to The Cure’s concert with Lucas Scott but it didn’t happen because he lost the ticket 6 hours before the concert. Nevertheless, she managed to produce a female artist in the rock genre. I am very envy of her lucks. She almost got everything that she wanted including to become a cheerleader, produced a good artist and married with Lucas Scott except her parents. She is a strong woman who can unleash her dream without the touch of a great family. Anyhow, she led the life well! INSPIRING ME!






THE COMET not only a retro car but also a moving ‘Comet ‘that contributing a dramatic love story.It inspired Lucas to become an author and his entire writing was nothing else but Peyton Sawyer. He had a romantic soul which no one (I mean girl) would resist him if there was a chance to. I wish his character is real to this life. It’s very hard to witness a young man like him these days. I wish there is someone out there willing to write about his love towards me in a BOOK. So far, the most special thing a man has ever done to me is bought me a travel ticket to New Zealand as my 27th Birthday gift. It was amazing but that story wasn’t end up amazingly. My lost because I didn’t know he was fallen for me until he got married. Well, I don’t consume bait for a feeling but I am very happy for the friendship he had given.

Friendship is HALLEY. She is a bestfriend to everyone in OTH especially to Lucas. On the year 6, Halley has advised Lucas to stop hiding his heart and choose the right woman. Here it goes; Lucas will always choose Peyton instead of anyone else. Sometimes, I am so honour a friendship like Halley and Lucas where they will always back up for each other at anytime. Sometimes, I wonder why Lucas can never takes Halley a special ones since they were so close since year 1 but my answer is SPARK. People may have chemistry either as a business partner, duet, friendship or even a television host. But, love is a TIMELESS SPARK. I always thought that I could be the space for someone to live in but I realised - I’m the one who can never get inside of someone that I trusted well. You are right, I am ‘Everyone’s Halley ‘

It’s always been a miracle to have a love life like Peyton Sawyer “A Happy Ending”. That is how a drama will manipulate a woman like me. They made a movie to make people fall in love with then break their heart again and again.


I am happy of who I am now - Rest in peace Peyton’s Love Fantasy!

If we die, we die with honour! I heard this line in the cartoon of MULAN. It’s December, where ton of cartoons will be showing on local television stations till end of the month. Some countries in the east coast side of Malaysia have been suffering with the floods due to non-stop rainy days. I am very sorry for the victims, may Allah gives them more happiness soon. However in my case, I’m sort of in love with December‘s cloudy and cold temperature. Some says the rains and winter are sad weather but it certainly not for me. Each and every time I am hearing the water drops on my house’s roof my heart will automatically smile and say ; Yeah! Seronoknya Hujan!Yeah!


Speaking about rain, I had a story which quite hilarious. This happened when I was 10 years old. I wanted to play in the rain with my neighbours like the day before. It was 4pm when the weather was really cloudy. Everybody knows I’m a huge fan of P. Ramlee even until today. So, I’ve arranged 4 pieces of newspaper on the floor at outside of my house. It was 4 of us; we were pretending the newspapers on the floor as a flying carpet with a mantra: ZAM ZAM ALA KAZAM (Laksamana Do Re Mi) meanwhile waiting for the rain. Almost all P.Ramlee songs we sang on that cloudy evening. Unfortunately, the black clouds have faded away at 5pm. We were extremely worried and unhappy that it wouldn’t be raining at any minutes after all efforts. WHAT A WASTE !!! (In Japanese = BOTANAK!!!)



Later on, I had ‘KONON’ a brilliant idea. I sneaked into the house and slowly extended the water pipe to the gate. As my neighbours faced their back, I ‘FIRE’!!!!! them with the water pipe just like a fireman. We were having the blast by taking turn to create the fake rains. The funny part was we kept singing the P.Ramlee songs while shooting the water to each other. CRAZY GIRLS! ( Portuguese = Meninas loucas!)


However, the blast did not remain longer as we expected. I was 10 and being naughty with the fun ideas were something challenging and exciting me. I was totally forgotten that my mother was cooking and she noticed the water pressure was getting lower due to our activity. Without warning, my mother screamed at us and pulled me aggressively to the side. She was insisted the rest to go home and kept mumbling about the mess. I took the responsibility for everything by receiving more than 4 times of slapping on my face. It was the most unforgettable memory which reminds me to have limitation in any excitements. An excessive fun always brings the worst consequences. BAD LUCK!!! ( Spanish = Mala suerte!!!)


What can i say, my mother is a very fierce woman. In addition, she couldn’t bare to accept a red mark in my report card even how excellent I am in sports and arts. Yes, I was a singer and dancer for my school. I couldn’t resist stopping because I was so tempted and happy to entertain people ‘ Gila Glamor ’. Well, my mother is a conservative woman even she was born in the city of Singapore. To her, academic is very crucial than anything else .


That was one of my childhood memories during the school holiday back in 1992 at Lorong 4a/11. This lorong has created thousand histories which involved my favourite neighbour Yasmin Hani. Yes, she was one my friend in my story above. I met her recently and she freely admitted that lorong gave her lot of childhood memories too which concluded Rounders,Balik Selipar, Roller Blades, Perang Bunga Api Malam Bulan Puasa, Main Puyu, Galah Panjang, Cari Durian,Kejar Kejar Gelung and Etc.


( In memory of Geng 4a/11 1988 – 1993)
Ben, Fezal, Fara, Ina Besar, Ani, Eza, Ina Kecik, Along, Naim, Wae,
Nazri, My self (Eija), Adam, Kak Ani, Mamat, Siti, Marco, Shawna.

Qi : So Yuse, why flying?

Me : Last time, my answer was to experience what Shara Azlin Jalil felt when she flew up there. But after I received the offer letter of Integrated Aviation Academy ( ITNS) on last November, I didn’t feel the same way anymore.

Qi : Well, there are many young people like you out there. At least you embrace the words ‘ i believe i can fly’ Haha.

Me : Qi, you will never know what I’ve done to my life for the past 4 years after i graduated. I was obviously a dream chaser and sacrificed many things .“Become an editor for my own magazine” Suddenly - Devil Wears Nose Not Prada!

Qi : Really, what happened there?

Me : First I worked hard with my team members but i was always unhappy with my personal life until it went really serious but one thing for sure.....”Managed to launch it “although I failed twice. Everybody has a big issue that can’t be fixed even Tiger Woods quits for NOW!

Qi : Exactly! Sometimes thing is better left unsaid.

Me : I failed to cage the rage, that’s the verdict. So the latest reason of why I’m choosing to fly is nothing less than to start my life all over again acquainted by a new dream . I know
It tough but I had to change almost everything so I can forgive the past.

Qi : Like America Former President Mr. Kennedy. ‘Forgive your enemies but never forget their name'

Me :Having said that, t they weren’t my enemies. They were ‘teacher of my life’. Each of them brought me a different type of lesson. I should sing a song ‘Thank You ‘ by Dido to them someday. Haha!

Qi ; Yuse , aren’t you scared like what happened to the American Female Pilot - Amelia Earhart with the mission to flying around the world . Unfortunately, she died during final destination to fly across the Pacific Ocean. Rumour has it, she has drown deep under the ocean due to insufficient gas. I heard, Hollywood is making the tribute movie about her now. ( Below is the Amelia Movie Trailer)



Me : Ya, the actress is Hillary Swank. It must be a spectacular movie! Nevertheless, I salute her braveness. According to the letter she wrote firmly to her boyfriend “ I am quite aware of the hazards but i want to do it”. But in my case, i am profoundly grateful that I’ve been given a feeling to know what it feels like up there .

Qi : To conquest your GAYAT’ ?

Me : To evaluate the FREEDOM.

Qi : Is there someone that you might dedicate the journey to?

Me : MY AYAH