I couldn’t believe what happened to my self at last weekend. It was the most awesome weekend I ever had. Thank you to my love for spending the night to celebrate the belated birthday's dinner for both of us. We both CAPRICORNS! It was something I ever aimed " Hope it remains till the end'. Yes, It ruled my emotion and put me to the bottom line of knowing what love does. I was wishing for the best but the best is seemed not right to be done sometimes. Nevertheless, It satisfied ME! I hope it won’t give me so much of regrets. Was I transforming so unusual or was I too curious to explore things? Some says love conquers all but what happens when it makes nothing else matter? It takes years to build up a trust but it can be tarnished in 10 seconds. Every day, I am getting deeper to the same shit story and away from the line of trustworthy. If Alice could escape herself from the unwilling marriage arrangement then she got lose in the world of her own but eventually she survived. Am I going to have the same chance like Alice in the wonderland? I must survive!

It’s scary when you are getting deeper to the fantasy. I am scared that one day I have a nerve to reveal everything and the scariest thing that hard to believe is I lose the one I love. Last night, I watched a movie “From Paris With Love” and the last part of the movie was touching my heart when John Rys Meyers tried to give a last chance to a character named Caroline. He said something brilliantly right before he shot Caroline : “Nothing else matter in this world ! Nothing else but LOVE”

My friends use to tell me that “ Jangan berdrama dalam hidup, Yus” I heard this when I was 26 years old . Evy said to everyone that “Never starts the game with a man because it will eat up in the end”. I think she was right! I have seen many similar cases have ended with discomfort one. Thus, we should never start the flame if we never meant to burn it right. If you chose to be fire then keep being friend with the flame without secret but if you chose to be water then stop the flame before it gets worst. As you see, whichever action that you may take will be stopped in a good way. It’s not the result that you should be waited but the correct process that you must take by now.

So where I am now?

I fall too down and I don’t know how to stop the falling. I have no answer to all this shit but I have a right to tell that I wasn’t aware that it would prolong until today. I wish I could stop from telling it and be brave to walk away. Anyhow, I don’t think by running away will solve the issue especially things that relate to the feelings and life. Sometimes the right is NOT THE BEST. What I should do now? I am so lost in my own fantasy and I don’t know how to get out of it. I can’t simply tell everything, that’s insane! One thing for sure is I will lose the respect from everybody and it will kill my spirit to double up my effort in realising ‘IT’. I am not making any drama, NO! I am not a Drama Queen but I am the law of attraction. I can get what I want. I CAN GET WHAT I WANT IN THIS LIFE! No one could ever change it. I am happy for what I have now it just that ‘ONE’. Impossible is nothing!

From the book of “THE SECRET”
Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting. Thoughts that bring about good feelings mean you are on the right track. Thoughts that bring about bad feelings means you are not on the right track.

I am still finding the BEST way!