"Darling I'm kill , I'm in puddle on the floor , Waiting for you to return
Oh what a trill , Vacillations good lord .How to tease ,How you leave me to burn,It's so deadly my dear, The power of wanting you near" - Sheryl Crow


This could be my last time to talk about it and i have to put it in writing. I’ve been taking the wrong way in appreciating this love. You don’t know how much I care of you inside. I hope you know how much i love you. You always say, I am blind to see the good things and love you have showered to me. I guess you are just too far to aware that I’ve been talking about you in every conversation I have with my close friends and family. What you have done last night was something unspeakable by me. I felt the guiltiness since you drove away from me then left me cold alone.

Your name will never be erased from my heart and lips. You are just too good to be true to me now. I am starting to feel that I am not a good girl fro you. You are just blown away by people then you scared to death to love me as the way I want to be treated. In the end, I am suffering more than you do. Tell me how to deal with it. It’s like drug now, I am addicted to it. I don’t know how to stop from eagering. I am scared too.

If I don’t appreciate you, I wouldn’t be RISK everything for you.

You gave the pleasure to this relationship and now you intend to carry it away from me. Then indirectly push me to stop. Well, I don’t know how to stop the pressure. You were humiliating me every time you neglected my desire. It is very plain to see that I am so into you but again you were kept saying I am too blind to see what you have done. I am so ashamed with myself. The more you say - I did just to satisfy you, the more I feel the guiltiness. I need to walk away from all this now. I must walk away before it kills me inside.




I know my weakness point now.

I dont know what else to do except walk away from your side for a while. I need to neutralise everything now because it makes me angry everytime you reject it. I can’t control it anymore. I wish you could help me to cure this. I don’t know..... I don’t know how. Allah please help me! What is happening to me now? Ya Allah....

Please forgive me darling, I believe this is the best way. Should we break up for our own goodness because i think u deserve better? But is it fair to our love, why we must murder it because of our selfishness. Owh, i dont know....I dont know what to do...i dont know...but my heart says one thing for sure , i should try to be my own without you.

I dont know whether you allow me to be with my own until I’m done. But I must try.

Yes! I am scared with myself, i dont believe myself everytime we together. The humiliation gives me madness and rage. I can't do this anymore. I have to go for awhile until we both find back the same way. There is nothing to be discussed upon this issue because it is too personal to be spoken.

Please let me go, I can't control it for now. Maybe without you, it will get my feet on the ground back. I am scared to be rejected again. I can't take it anymore. It humiliated me so bad. I dont want to be angry with you again. It hurts me everytime I hurt you with my attitude .I hope you know that.

I am sorry.

Have a safe journey to east coast tonight. Goodbye.